Welcoming Tomorrow

One of my biggest mama struggles is learning to let the past fade. Ask my own mama, and she will tell you that I have shed a great deal of tears over lost yesterdays and forgotten moments with my girls.  I was a basket case with our first daughter, crying at every milestone, knowing that yesterday was gone and that I had one less day with my precious baby. The week of first birthdays is always a somber one for me. It feels as if the infant I place into bed at night will awake a preschooler in the morning. Anticipating the future usually inflicts some amount of anxiety within me and, honestly, distracts me from enjoying the present.

Memories are immeasurably important to me. Growing up, I considered my mother a sentiment hoarder and it looks like that trait is genetic.  Handmade quilts crafted from our girls’ infant clothing are displayed in their rooms—a priceless keepsake from a beloved “bonus mama” to our family.  I've also invested many tear-filled hours into creating photo books of our girls’ first years and documenting supplementary notes in painstaking detail.  I even documented the exact dates that our middle daughter’s teeth erupted—the upper four and the lower four. When I'm old and forgetful, I want tangible reminders of my precious life with my hubby and girls.  My memories are irreplaceable, but you better believe I lug a suitcase full of treasures down into the shelter with me during our tornado season here in Oklahoma.

So many changes occur with the passing of time. Yesterdays take with them chubby toddlers, while tomorrows bring kindergartners anxious to turn sixteen and drive. My first baby loves helping me cook, helps her little sister go potty, uses complex words like “identical,” and understands emotion well beyond her years. I've discovered, though, she's not just an older version of who she was a few years ago. She is a better version of her younger self. I wouldn't trade these days for yesterday, no matter how bittersweet this whole growing up thing is. My daughters’ futures will be beautiful, and I am honored to help build them with them.

Since I thought my life was fast-paced and sleep-deprived with our first daughter, I sure have been surprised after adding three more girlies to the mix. I realize that time passes more quickly now, but I can excitedly await tomorrow’s arrival, instead of trying with all my might to keep yesterday in my grasp. Without living tomorrows (and fully enjoying them), I would surely have an empty memory bank. I must live, and I must live without regret. Sure, maybe I still dwell on the past more than I should, but I will look forward to tomorrow with excitement and gratitude that I may be given another day in this undeserved life with my beautiful family.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” - James 1:17 (NIV)