Maker of the Moon

Evening walks are one of my family’s favorite things to do together. It is so rejuvenating to take in the fresh air after a long day inside. No matter the time of evening, our little girls always shriek at the sight of the moon. Sweet, chubby fingers and wide-open eyes reach for the far-off spectacle. The girls think it’s especially phenomenal to see the moon and the fading sun all in one scene. Their immeasurable curiosity of the Lord’s handiwork is heartwarming and reminds me so much of my younger self.

I can think of countless times I would sit outside at night entrenched in the woes of teenage years and wonder if I was even seen. I also vividly remember staring at the moon during my husband’s deployments imagining that he was doing the same halfway across the world. The nighttime air would be so quiet and settled while the sadness and loneliness churned in my heart.

What about standing outside under the moon makes me feel so small? Surely, I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Maybe it’s the contrast of the day’s busyness with the night’s stillness. Maybe it’s the enormity of the entire universe and the image of tiny me gazing into the vast, starry sky.

For some of us, our feelings of being overlooked and forgotten are not reserved for the nighttime. Some of us are overwhelmed with our smallness and heartache for all of our waking hours.  The enemy can so easily convince us that the Maker of the moon loses sight of our struggles, our failures, and our pain, and that He overlooks us during our seasons of trial. After being knocked down again and having our faith tested again, we begin to feel small and unseen and even doubt His presence in it all.

You question God’s goodness each time you endure new heartache. You question His presence in the mess and His power to alleviate the pain. Circumstances haven’t changed; the same turmoil wreaks havoc in your heart. You dread the darkness of night and the loneliness and sadness that accompany it. But maybe you need to hear this…

The moon isn’t there to make you feel small. The moon is there to help you feel seen in the dark.

God sees you lying in bed with your head resting on that tear-dampened pillowcase. Twisting your wedding band around your finger, remembering the vows you exchanged with your family and friends gathered near.  The ring that symbolizes unity and partnership and your forever commitment to one another now only reminds you of the disintegrating marriage that is left. It reminds you of the missing words and the nonexistent affection that remains. The marriage you both so badly wanted is now a pile of smoldering rubble set aflame by each other’s destructive words and retaliation. Now you feel like strangers. Whether or not your spouse chooses you again, remember that Jesus already did long ago.

God sees you crouching down in the spare bedroom closet with your head nestled in your hands. Staring at the little reminders of an aching heart and an empty home, wondering if those precious clothes will ever be worn. The store tags preserve the garments’ brand-new condition while they also imprison your heart in a state of pain and longing.  You thought you’d have memories and pictures depicting your growing family by now, but instead you withstand a constant barrage of questions about your fertility. You blame yourself for the failure despite all your efforts in medical appointments, diet changes, and hormone charting. You think our Father doesn’t understand the longing in your heart, but He longs for closeness with you even more.

God sees you sitting on your couch with your head held low gazing at the dark phone screen. The phone call for which you’re waiting has yet to occur and now you wonder if it ever will. The silence is deafening in your head as you recollect the happiness and the memories and how that person’s void in your life cannot go unnoticed. Maybe it is a parent who no longer prioritizes you. Maybe it is a sibling who just stopped caring. Maybe it is a best friend who no longer defends or chooses you. No matter the offender, the pain cuts deep and damages your faith in people. Whether or not these relationships are meant to be restored or rekindled, your hope runs unbridled; you welcome each day with a whispering plea of healing and restoration, even though it doesn’t come. It feels like the ones you love most are out of reach, but our Father is always near.

God sees you sitting at the table staring at the email message displayed on your computer. The author’s chosen vocabulary so eloquently conveys your inadequacies. You may have fallen short of the university’s program requirements or your employer may have selected a more qualified candidate. Either way, you’re left questioning your skills and professional value and wonder how your future plans can come to fruition, without acquiring that specific degree or position. You wonder where you’ll end up and what your life will look like. It’s hard to imagine anything different than what you had been planning all along, but now you’re feeling insufficient and lost. The future you envisioned may not occur, but the Lord’s plan for your life may be abundantly better.

You have so many questions about your past or the direction your life is headed. You question whether the broken-down relationships or missed opportunities came about because of your own actions. You wonder what the future holds for you.  Bits of unworthiness and shame nestle into the deepest crevices of your soul. The circumstances can’t always be controlled, but they so drastically affect your world.

The Creator of the universe sees you blink through moistened eyes. The One who knew you in the womb knows the desires of your heart. The Father of grace can mend the deepest of wounds.  The Maker of the moon is the Maker of you, and you are chosen.

The moon isn’t there to make you feel small. The moon is there to help you feel seen in the dark.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2 (NIV)